Ep.8: Weight

When you are given a diagnosis of cancer it’s like being handed a weight. 

You have to carry that weight around with you all the time. 

Sometimes the weight is big and angular and awkward to carry so you keep stumbling but your family and friends gather round and support you so you can get a better purchase, they help you carry it. 

Other days the weight feels lighter, almost gauzy, you can flip it from shoulder to shoulder or even tuck it in your pocket so you can concentrate on the task in hand. 

But it never goes away. 

You can’t put the weight down and you can’t ever rest. 

You are doomed to carry the weight with you all day, every day, all night, every night and no one else is allowed to fully lift your weight for you. 

They offer.  They say ‘if I could have this weight instead of you, I would’ and that makes me cry. 

But this is my weight.  My unique weight. 

Only I can carry it and only I can find ways to make it lighter and smaller and easier to handle and hold.  And only I can know if I’ve ever reached a point where I can truly put it down and walk away. 

One day. I hope. I will.